Ugh what a week, I was feeling ok at the start of the week, but by Wednesday I was feeling so deflated, flat and low - and this feeling has lasted all week. I know we can't always be living on a high but I wish my lows weren't quite so low.
I am not sure what has triggered this episode, there are a few things happening at the moment that could be the trigger. I have been having seriously horrible dreams lately, for a few weeks now, and they are knocking me about. We leave for our holiday on Friday, and I am going back to the place where my Dad used to live to visit friends. I haven't been back there since my Dad passed away, and I am seeing an aunt who I haven't seen since my Dad passed away. I have put on so much weight since I last saw her, so I think I am anxious about it. All little things, but the little things really add up.
I dropped by a friends house this week and she had bought one of my favourite summer drinks, an alcoholic drink. It reminds me of home. I was so tempted to throw the towel in and have one with her, it's probably one of the hardest moments I have had since I stopped drinking. It has left me doubting myself all week, and my mind is playing havoc with the lies. Just have the one I think, then it's ok to have one at the weekend, or if you have one by yourself no one will know. Only problem is I will know. So for now I am winning that battle, but it's being fought a lot more often than I would like. I think it's because I am feeling flat at the moment, and drinking was my go to when I felt like this in the past.
Next week though, on a more positive note I hit the 6 months mark. The only other time I have not drunk for this long was when I was pregnant with my son. I am trying to be proud of myself, because it is a huge thing to have given up drinking, especially with the amounts I was drinking on a weekly basis.
No comments:
Post a Comment